One night as I sat snuggled under a blanket, thinking of the perfect text to send to “him,” he beat me to it. As I eagerly pressed the green box with the bright red “1” letting me know I had a message, my heart sank. It was a text letting me know he had decided to move back to the place that felt like home to him, a place that just so happened to be across the world. He and I had just reconnected, and things seemed to be falling into place in a way that seemed, perhaps, “meant to be.”
I felt sucker punched.
Although this guy and I were not even close to having discussions as to whether I would follow him across the world, because I liked him, because we had had some long-term-future discussions (though hypothetical), and because I knew there was some interest on his end too, it was hard for me not to ponder whether I could follow him there.
But I honestly couldn’t imagine following him there. Not only because I couldn’t afford the crazy-expensive plane ticket, but also because I didn’t think I wanted to. I liked him very much—he was a Christian man with similar values whom I found attractive and could talk with easily—but I didn’t feel God calling me to this part of the world. In fact, it seemed He was starting to open doors for me here and also put within me a desire to start settling in and building community. And because I’m in my thirties, my mind also went to the future future, like what if we worked out and got married? Had kids? Then I’d be ACROSS THE WORLD while my entire family and friends were here (well, I had one cousin whose family lived there, and I love her dearly, but it just wasn’t enough). I didn’t want to settle in a place so far away, no matter how amazingly beautiful it was and no matter how adventurous I was.
His text definitely caused me to ponder my whole longing for community versus gypsy traveler nature.
But what I ended up doing that night, the night of the sucker punch, was write a prayer for the guy I liked moving across the world and also for my future husband, whoever he was—whether this guy or someone in the wings.
I can’t tell you the peace it brought to write out these prayers.
My prayer for my future hubby began with this…
You may be in my life already, or I may be still to meet you, but it is time I start to pray for you, not hit or miss, not a lazy prayer, but a real prayer, an intentional prayer, one that means something.
And then I began my prayer, each line starting with “I pray.” And then, when thoughts of moving-across-the-world guy came to mind or when the tears started to flow, I prayed for him too. And then the prayer flowed into a conversation with God, pouring out my feelings. And then I started to write-pray prayers of blessing over my future husband, wherever he was.
I guess this post isn’t a simple how-to-write-a-prayer-for-your-future-spouse post, but I will tell you that writing this prayer that night was powerful. Writing it made it tangible. I felt like somehow, somewhere my man was out there, and that my prayers were doing something.
The lyrics from “Somewhere Out There” come to mind…
Somewhere out there,
Someone’s saying a prayer,
that we’ll find one another in that big somewhere out there.
I’m not going to lie, I like to look at this prayer from time to time, and I hope to share it with my husband someday.
Don’t be afraid to add to this prayer, too, especially on those nights you are feeling like you’ll never find love, when the loneliness becomes almost unbearable and your tears are staining the carpet or your sleeve with makeup—or snot (let’s be real).
There is immense comfort to be found in not only praying to God but also in praying tangible prayers of blessing, protection, and love for your person out there…
And gosh, can you imagine reading these to him or her someday?
(Caution: Listening to the song above will likely take you down a rabbit hole of eighties and nineties love songs, many from Disney…if you’re already feeling tender, you’ll need a tissue box.)