We’ve all had people say stupid stuff to us when we’re single, or at least stuff that makes us want to scream, especially when the person giving such advice is IN A RELATIONSHIP or MARRIED. Stuff like, “Be HAPPY you’re single. You have SO much freedom and time to do whatever you want!!!” Or, “The right person will find you when YOU’RE NOT LOOKING.” Or, “Let JESUS be your husband.” (Feel free to add to this list in the Comments!)
But one afternoon, the Holy Spirit impressed on my heart one of the reasons I was still single, something that a human being saying would have made me super annoyed.
That day, I was sitting on top of the picnic table near the apartment mailboxes, on the phone bemoaning to my friend how tired I was of being single and how it seemed nothing was working out with me and dating.
Will I EVER find someone??? It’s so frustrating!!! I was exasperated, saying something like that when, clear as day, the Holy Spirit impressed upon my heart that this time of singleness was intentional. There was a reason.
He said that my current singleness was a gift to me. He said that God wanted to give me this gift of intentional time to rediscover my creativity and to hone my writing and build my discipline for it so that I could bring it into my relationship and not lose it but maintain it.
Now, this may sound slightly ridiculous to someone else, but I knew exactly what this meant.
You see, writing was my dream. I have wanted to write a book for young adults since I was in early college. And yet, each time I got excited for it and ready to start, I entered a relationship, knowing it wasn’t one I should be in nor God’s best but mindlessly going along with it anyways, not thinking through how it would play out in the future. And with each relationship, the fire of my writing dream dwindled, as if someone were turning off the Bunsen burner you used in chemistry class or snuffing out a candle.
In most of my relationships, I left behind a large part of myself to please the person I was with.
The last long-term relationship before this Holy-Spirit-singleness-revelation had started with me gushing about the book I wanted to write for young adults until it dwindled along with my singing (my other great creative passion), which made him cringe. I had a tendency to mold myself to the person I was with, to lose core parts of what made me “me.”
The Holy Spirit was telling me that He wanted me to live a life of abundance in my future relationship. That there was a reason for the delay.
Now, this didn’t miraculously prevent every lonely night or stop my tears from staining the carpet some Saturday nights or the driver’s seat as I sat in the Starbucks parking lot after seeing the umpteenth matching-sweaters couple coming in for peppermint mochas during the holidays. But it did drive me to my computer to write. Because one day not so long after this Holy Spirit-singleness-revelation, I opened my computer and began to journal my feelings and experiences about this whole singleness and dating thing.
In fact, weekends became one of my prime times for writing through the loneliness, through the dates, through the growth and emotions and questions I was having. And midway through, the Holy Spirit revealed I was working on a book. That the calling on my life to write a book was still there, though it had changed shape a bit over time.
Writing became (and still is) my safe place to journal and pray to God as I have navigated this single, dating, and now relationship journey. And, specifically, writing prayers to my future husband was a tangible way to not feel so lonely and to trust that there was a reason for the rejection; it gave me hope and joy and purpose.
For You
Has the Holy Spirit revealed anything to you about this season of your life? Ask Him for some fresh revelation of His purposes for this season, and of how you can thrive, not just survive, through it.
In fact, when you get a few minutes, pull out your journal or a piece of paper and make a list of all the GOOD things about the season you are in, whether single, dating, or in a relationship trying to do it right this time. What is God teaching you? What are you learning about yourself? How are you growing?
And, yes, for fun, go at it. Share some of the annoying things people have said to you as a single. 😛
Have a wonderful week!!! Be blessed!!!
Dating with Jesus 
Really good thoughts. Even though being single has a lot of advantages is human nature to be with a special one, and loneliness is a really undesirable strong feeling. Peoples opinions seem pointless because you know they’re just trying to help saying something nice to make you feel better. But using that time to rediscover ourselves and knowing who we really are and like will guide us better. We will know exactly what to look for on a partner instead of just saying “yes” to the first random person that talks to us.
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Jorge! And yes, I agree that it’s never good to enter a relationship out of desperation. Desperation doesn’t lead to good choices. But it’s okay to admit we are lonely and wish we had a partner in life. This is okay and normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
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Sometimes the best thing to do is just continue on with life. I know you may want to be in a relationship, but when it is time for you to have someone, God will send him.
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Thanks for reading, Dexter! I agree! It’s usually when we’re out there living life to the fullest that the right person comes along. 🙂
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You just have to let go and let God. You continue doing what you do best, which is writing. You seem like a great person. Following in the footsteps of Christ will lead to so many blessings, you won’t regret it.
P.S. I’m glad you’ve found a passion you desire.
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Thanks, Zakiyah! 🙂
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Everyone will have their time for love. You are an amazing storyteller.
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Thanks so much 🙂
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We have to understand our worth and what make us happy in order to find the one that God has for us
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I believe that God has perfect timing, and when the right individual comes, you will know it.
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Thanks for reading, George! And I do believe that with the right person, God will provide reassurances and peace. 🙂
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We are so precious to God. The closer we draw to Him, the more He will teach us our worth and infuse us with His love. 🙂
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You being single was just god eye opener for you to let you know you have so much talent that you let go of every time you get in a relationship. This story was so enjoyable and a blessing. Im glad you found your passion cause i really enjoyed reading your story.
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Thanks so much for reading and for your encouragement, Tanasia! God is teaching me how important it is to partner myself with someone who shares my same heart for Him and His purposes for my life. And even in my relationship now with a Christ-follower, I can still put it as an idol and let my codependency issues seep in … I’ll be posting some more material soon, and I hope you stick around. 🙂
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That being single was a gift to strengthen your creative skills does not sound ridiculous at all. It sounds perfectly wise.
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When the Holy Spirit speaks it, it’s so much easier to accept. Well, sometimes. 😉
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🙂
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“You’re single? But you’re so pretty!”
“Well, you’re too strong of a person to attract a guy.”
“Guys like girls who aren’t so…curvy?”
“Take care of yourself because guys are visual.”
This is only a small sampling of phrases said to me throughout the years. But I certainly appreciate your perspective (given by the Holy Spirit) that singleness is a gift to us for now. I like that.
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Ugh!!! Dislike dislike dislike … I was seriously thankful for the Holy Spirit piercing my journey and giving me some perspective. It was so much easier to swallow. P.S. You’re amazingly beautiful, and I love that you’ve found a passion that you enjoy so much! 🙂
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I heard this all myself from well-meaning people in my life. It tore down my self esteem more than it did anything to help me. I hope you find encouragement and self-love and realize that a good man is out there for you in His time and His will. We don’t always get what we want when we want it, but that has very little to do with how we look. In my experience, there is a guy to love every size and style of a woman. However, there is a lot to be said for what kind of guy you want to attract. If you want the buff, gym rat, BE the girl the buff, gym rat works out with. In other words, don’t expect something you are not willing to do yourself.
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Amen, my dear friend. And what an interesting perspective too: “don’t expect something you are not willing to do yourself.” I want to chew on that a little …
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