When You’re Strangely Happy to See Your Exes with Their “Person”

sneakercouple

So I’ve maintained casual friendships or acquaintanceships with a couple of the guys I’ve gone on dates with or explored dating with. And a few of them are now in relationships with the women they chose over me.

And I am strangely happy for them.

Because it is so obvious they have found their match. Their quirky, unique match.

It lets me see that he and I didn’t work out for a reason.

And seeing their relationships unfold has also taught me lessons. This one may seem silly and minuscule, but I’ll share it anyways.

But first, let’s just begin with a confession.

I hate my legs.

One time a nurse doing a physical told me, I kid you not, that my legs resembled that of an 80-year-old’s: “I don’t usually see this kind of thing with young people, usually just on older people . . .”

Okay, somewhere along the line I added the 80-year-old part, but she legit made this comment to me as my early-20-something-year-old self sat on a cold table in an itchy paper gown.

So for years I have covered up my legs and envied the flawless, non-veiny, toned legs of other girls. I have thought of tanning beds but my health-conscious self (and my budget) have not allowed myself to do so. I’ve used on occasion those bronzer lotions, but, mostly, I’ve covered up. Worn jeans on hot summer days. Wore knee-high boots with skirts.

Until I saw her legs.

A guy I went on a few dates with, a guy I had really liked, was now dating someone, and images of him and his girlfriend peppered my social media. Who would have known that God would use their relationship to teach me lessons for my own future relationship, that seeing pics of them would end up encouraging me?

God works in mysterious ways.

So anyways, her legs were imperfect. Not being mean. Just being real.

Please don’t take me wrong. I am not reveling in the fact that a guy I dated was with a girl with imperfect legs, although yes, a few weeks after he ditched me I may have felt this way. The thing that grabbed me was THIS:

She was rocking her legs!

She was wearing SHORTS!

She was wearing cute shorts.

She was having FUN.

She was smiling BIG.

And my former crush—my handsome, funny former crush—didn’t care one bit about her imperfect legs.

He thought she was beautiful. He thought she was fun.

So when shortly thereafter another handsome man asked me to brunch, a personal trainer in fact, I did something brave. Armed with a newfound confidence thanks to my former date’s new girlfriend, I pulled out one of my long-neglected skirts—a cute white, flouncy number—paired it with a cute purple tank and—get this!—sandals.

Not boots.

Sandals.

I was putting it all out there now.

And my date, a man who saw attractive, physically fit woman each day, thought I looked great. In fact—and this wasn’t planned—he was wearing white shorts and gave me violet flowers that matched my outfit.

One thing I’ve learned is that if you don’t draw attention to your “flaws” but instead focus on your beauty strengths—topping these all: CONFIDENCE—he won’t even notice the flaws. Women, we’re the ones who notice.

I’ve also realized that often the things we see as flaws are things others see as beautiful. Like I LOVE gaps in between front teeth. I’ve always wanted one. A girlfriend of mine hates her gap. I am envious of it. She also doesn’t like her rosy cheeks. I love them. It’s like a perfect flush. Who needs Cover Girl?

I remember when I first showed Justin a flaw of mine: my missing tooth. I had to get an extraction a few years ago, and now I have a space where a future implant will go but not yet (those things are expensive!). I was worried if he saw it, he would find me unattractive, old-looking, what have you. I mean, I’m kinda young to have a missing tooth. Thankfully, it’s on my bottom row, so it doesn’t show when I smile. But when I finally decided to show him, he liked me even more for not being perfect. And funny enough, his dad is a retired dentist. So my man has had his share of dental work.

He gets me! 🙂

Imperfections make us charming. Human. Unique. Different—if we learn to just embrace and love our entire selves with compassion and confidence.

Have a beautiful week!!!

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

—Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

PictureCouple

couplereading

AfricanAmericanCouple

couplewalking

girlinhat

Advertisements

5 comments

  1. Thank you, friend, for that kind reference. I think we do tend to be too hard on ourselves and I, for one, have never thought your legs were ugly. As for my redness, I got the best compliment ever the other day: my man said they were sexy. It just proves your point; there is someone out there to love all of us.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s all those perfect looking women in magazines! When I was a kid, I hated my freckles. But as an adult, I heard someone say they were angel kisses. And now, I do occasionally see women with freckles in magazines. Love this post!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s